


Leaving my love behind

by atiredjedi



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Ben Solo Needs A Hug, F/M, Rey Needs A Hug, Reylo Hugs, Reylo pain-train, Reylofest, ben and rey, maybe smut if I ever decide to write more of this fic, until then lots of angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-21
Updated: 2020-05-21
Packaged: 2021-03-02 18:55:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,280
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24311647
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/atiredjedi/pseuds/atiredjedi
Summary: I really hope you guys enjoy this!Next update: May 29You can find me on Twitter: https://mobile.twitter.com/invisibleallice
Relationships: Leia Organa/Han Solo, Rey & Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 2
Kudos: 2





	Leaving my love behind

**Author's Note:**

> I really hope you guys enjoy this! 
> 
> Next update: May 29
> 
> You can find me on Twitter: https://mobile.twitter.com/invisibleallice

For months, Rey was forced to live with what HAD been and what COULD have been. She had to live with Ben's mahogany scent, slowly fading from his torn sweater. Rey lived a whisper of lips against her skin, the memory of Ben's smile branded into the forefront of her mind. Every night, Rey was forced to relive losing him- the memory of his gentle touch fading with each day. She was living caught up in her demons, lost without his light. 

Sitting in the corner of the empty Starbucks, Rey remembered when she'd lost Ben- remembered how the world had fallen out from under her feet. A dark figure stepped out of the rain. In the single instant it took for her to look up from her newspaper, she felt everything rush back- all the memories, every missing feeling, the forgotten kisses. "Ben," Rey sighed in relief, lips trembling while holding back tears. He was standing so close that she could see every speck of gold in his amber eyes, it was like staring into the sun itself. She could map the constellations of marks on his face, she could reach out to touch his elegantly arched brows. Was it a dream? Could the universe really tempt her with the idea of his body this close to her again?

When their eyes met, It only took a moment for her to break, to completely shatter. Her eyes burned. Weakly shaking, Rey fell to the floor. "What's the problem?" He asked with a grimace- seeing her cry was undoubtedly the worst feeling a human could experience, like a part of his heart was ripping itself to pieces. "What's the problem?" She whispered, more to herself than to him. What was her problem? Why couldn't she love him and take him back with open arms? Why couldn't they pick up where they left off? "My problem is that whenever I let someone in my life, they leave. It hurts! It hurts because I gave you a part of me, and when you left- you took that part of me with you. For months I was half-there, a ghost. I had to rebuild my entire life because you weren't in it- you left." At her words, his heart sunk, his golden eyes darkened with the weight of the pain that her voice inflicted on his steadily breaking heart.

"But I'm not- I'm" voice cracking, he was interrupted before he could even begin to formulate a response. "You're what Ben? Different?" Ben felt his heart crack, a small piece of his world broke off. Was he really any different? Could he ever possibly deserve her? "This story can only end one way, with empty promises- and my heart shattered into broken pieces. I can't do this again; I can't rebuild my broken life just to be left alone again." This time it wasn't just a small crack, his entire world was collapsing, his whole heart was breaking. 

After what felt like a thousand years, Ben murmured into an empty cafe, "You're not alone," as if the words could bring her back into his arms, as if it meant he could deserve something- someone as perfect as her.

✦✧✦✧✦✧✦  
Rey fled outside into the raging storm. As the rain bit into her skin, she screamed- at everything, at nothing. Sinking to her knees on the sidewalk, she'd never felt so alone. It was like the whole world was just out of her reach. She clawed at her skin as if it was all she had left to hold on. After months of forcing herself to feel nothing, every small thing fell with the rain and danced with the blood on her arms. All thoughts once pushed into dark corners had been pulled out alongside her pain and her shock. Curling into herself and rocking, the tears flowed freely- caressing her pale skin. Rey's vision blurred, and once again, the world fell out from under her feet. 

After what felt like days of swimming in a void of dark nothingness, she opened her eyes to the vaguely familiar concrete ceiling of Ben's apartment. Her heart pounded as if it was a desperate demon, battling to escape her chest. Rey's body shook violently, and a cold sweat covered her skin. She was alone- again. Before she could contemplate this further, a warm pair of arms curled around her body. Ben's velvet voice whispered in her ear, "You don't have to be alone anymore, you're not going to lose me." She knew she shouldn't trust him, but he wasn't the same man who left her three months ago, he wasn't the same man who killed ruthlessly a year ago. This is Ben. Her Ben, and at that moment, it almost felt like they had never been apart. Rey could feel the strength in his arms as they trapped her in his never-ending warmth, in his heart, his soul. His love wrapped around them like a blanket- hiding them from all the hate in the world. In this beautiful caress, they could feel the life in each other, blood running through veins, hearts beating, warm breath coming off their lips. They could say what they wanted, but Ben Solo was alive- and his heart was in Rey's hands.

✦✧✦✧✦✧✦

After an age of lying against his marble chest, she heard Ben's rumbling voice in her ear- the cautious hint of a question on his soft lips. "Let's get you to the shower, you're freezing- I can't lose you again" There wasn't anything she'd ever agreed with more, she couldn't lose him either- not to the threats of pious men, nor to death's steal grasp. 

Stepping slowly into the shower, she closed her eyes and let the water pour down her hair in steaming teardrops. Showering always made her feel better- it was as if the boiling water could somehow take away the pain, wash away her worries. The stream managed to relieve the tension in her limbs, it left her feeling better- not completely healed, but comforted. Comforted in a way that brought back the memory of Ben's embrace, his arms- the warmth of his head against her heart. Perhaps the world was okay- it would never be the same, then again- neither would she, not after that night anyway. 

It felt like a crime to step out of the shower. It took Rey a minute to remember that she wasn't in her run-down apartment, that her gun wasn't an arms reach away. It took her a moment to remember that there was a cozy, plush bath towel waiting for her beyond the bathmat. When the memories of the past hour flooded back, she smiled for the first time in months. Hurriedly, Rey tugged on a torn sweatshirt and a pair of sweatpants she had found in the closet- rolling them up three or four times to avoid drowning in the soft fabric. 

✦✧✦✧✦✧✦  
Ben's phone rang, the shrill note of it violently grating on his nerves. It was only Hux, probably calling to pester him and complain about the extra work he'd had to during Ben's time as a dead man. The past months weren't something he'd ever want to revisit, the thought of having to talk about it with Hux made it an utterly revolting prospect. Again, the notes of his ringtone pierced the air- now it was his mother calling. There wasn't a whole ton to know about Leia's personality, she was a headstrong leader- and when she calls you, you answer. Reluctantly pressing his cellphone to his ear, Ben heard his mother's panicked voice hiss the two words that sent freezing chills down his spine- "He's Back."


End file.
